Breaking News - Web 2.0 in the Toilet!

I bet you never suspected that this January 27^th was Thomas Crapper Day! I mean here we have been so focused on the CES, DEMO 07 and other events that we nearly missed "Crapper" Day! According to a press release by Roto-Rooter via Yahoo! News, the average person spends 11,862 hours in the bathroom, or 1 year - 4 months - 5 days in a lifetime.

Thomas Crapper perfected the flushable toilet in 1898, and everyday people now have luxuries once reserved only for royalty. Seriously, under our very noses Web 2.0 and all our aspirations for it may already be in the toilet (well bathroom)!

There is no reason to panic! Roto-Rooter® has arrived on the scene in the nick of time and has developed a customized, one of a kind throne! This new "Pimped out John", as it has been dubbed, is designed to fulfill all of our bathroom dreams. Roto-Rooter will build this shining monument to productivity to the lucky winner of their online sweepstakes. Everyone is invited to participate and anyone can win a throne fit for a king! It should be obvious how far we have come.

Roto-Rooter's "Pimped out John" is equipped with the most advanced features that any king or queen could afford. The foundation of this technological marvel is the superb Kohler® toilet. Other technical specifications for this newly productive workspace are:

• Philips^TM 20-inch LCD TV and Star Wars DVD
• Xbox^TM 360 gaming system
• Philips^TM DVD player
• Gateway® EMachine^TM laptop computer with fully articulated robot arm
• iPod^TM with stereo docking station equipped with toilet paper dispenser
• Roto-Rooter "emergency" button
• Tivo^TM recorder
• Avanti^TM refrigerator with beer tap, stocked with drinks and snacks
• Magazine rack and subscriptions to Sports Illustrated, ESPN and GQ
• Bike pedal exerciser
• Cup warmer / cooler

Web 2.0 Maximization

Many detractors of Web 2.0 have essentially said that the concept was a load of crap! Those dinosaurs will now have to eat their words, as even the most domestic of domiciles, the toilet, has been transformed into a super-blogger's workspace. What more indicative evidence can the world need than gadgets like "The Pimped out John"? The lucky user of this new innovation will be able to simultaneously; read their RSS feeds, play online multiplayer games, eat or drink refreshments, download iTunes, write their blog posts and exercise their quadriceps from one convenient and formerly disconnected cubicle.

My Take

I am skeptical that somehow Bill Gates is not involved in this possibly onerous project. The exercise pedals give it away for me, in that they can easily be used to power this new stand-alone workstation. If you remember the Matrix, every human was contained in a module where all bodily functions were taken care of and where energy was derived from people. The cumulative effect of 50 million bloggers relegated to a life of endless posting could effectively be promulgated with this one innovation. Were it not for the lack of a reclining commode, I would be convinced that this "Pimped out John" is a prototype for the enslavement of mankind.

Seriously guys, what will we see next? It seems like technology has permeated every aspect of life and nearly every business model is fashioned around one aspect or another of the Web. I write so many serious pieces so that we can keep you informed about the best and worst that Web 2.0 has to offer, and I could not resist this scrap of news. I expect to see a Roto-Rooter SEO pop up next, followed by the Roto-Rooter search engine wherein: "Surf Roto-Rooter, that's the name, and away goes Spam down the drain." I hope you had a laugh, but do not be complacent. Remember what I said about the pedals, don't let your freedoms go down the tubes!

Photo Acknowledgements: Pimped John - Reuters, Morpheus - Warner Bros.