Women in 2.0: There’s No Title IX Here
by
on March 28, 2007,
It's a bit ironic that I started this series about Women in 2.0 right before the recent news about Kathy Sierra. For anyone who may have missed it, Kathy recently pulled out of a conference talk after feeling threatened by comments made on her blog and images and commentary posted on other blogs.
While I in no way condone the behavior of the individuals responsible, I can't join with the rest of the blogosphere in expressing shock. Nor, to be honest, do I agree with the way that Kathy has handled herself.
I started out in tech back in the early 90s, when there WERE no women in tech. I can remember being in training sessions for Windows NT 3.51 Server Administration and being the ONLY female there. You'd be in a class of 50 people and not a single woman would be in attendance. I was passed over for promotion in favor of men who would ask me to fetch their coffee, men who'd make sexual suggestions in the office, and men who knew nothing about web development.
It's a man's world in tech, and anyone who thinks differently obviously hasn't been paying attention. Trolls and rude commentary and nasty Photoshopped images aren't anything new. Any woman blogger has had their share of that type of vitriol. And while it may not be acceptable behavior, it exists. I've often likened it to girls trying to play American football; they know the second they set foot on that field they are going to be harassed until they prove their worth.
What I've seen, however, since Ms. Sierra pulled out of her scheduled conference appearance, is an almost Victorian reaction, with gasps and swoons and shows of support ranging from blogs going dark for a period of time to other bloggers calling out the offenders. All of which, as a woman, I resent. What Ms. Sierra did was let the anonymous posters win. Sure, she's gotten tons of traffic for her blog since all this blew up, but at the same time, it will now NEVER end for her. She had detractors before, and now that the story got that much bigger, there will be that many more. And by giving the childish threats of anonymous posters respect that they really didn't deserve, she lost, and they won.
The high road isn't the easy road. Ignoring over-the-line comments can seem impossible. You can view anonymous postings designed to intimidate as a form of terrorism. The real goal of a terrorist isn't the actual act of terror; it's to inspire fear. And so one win leads to more.
There will always be people who don't agree with you. The ease of posting online and the virtual anonymity provided allow people who'd probably never say something to your face to vent away. But giving credence to the posts give the poster far more power, and I wish that had never happened in this situation. Are the posters afraid that they will be outed or are they more likely sitting behind their screens chuckling.
I realize that my opinion isn't going to be the popular one. But having worked in, or been associated with, the industry for over 15 years, it's more a cycle to me than one isolated incident. And I've developed a much thicker skin than I had when I first started out. And if there's one thing that I've learned, it's that until you are accepted as part of the crowd, you are going to be singled out. Like it or not, women in tech are still having to blaze the trail. And like women in other areas, like professional sports, or medicine, there will always be those who are resistant to having that trail there in the first place. But stopping in the middle and asking for special treatment isn't going to get the job done.
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kalipso
Mav
Orient expresS
Opensource 
Michael Fidler 
Cyndy, I agree with your point. I know it won’t be popular but who told we should all think the same way?
Trying to work with men (and compete with them frequently) in tech is tough for any woman. Some of them stay, some go: remember the story with Nataly del Conte leaving TechCrunch because she could not handle all the negative feedback to her posts (well, at least that was the official version, I don’t know the truth myself). She wrote great articles on TechCrunch and I guess she deserved recognition. But being a woman and working in technology is tough at least because you attract additional (and often unwanted) attention to your personality and your work. But if you are tough enough to deal with all kinds of attention, you have a high chance to win because in this business you can never get too much publicity.
If women are going to work in male-dominated fields, they’re going to have to understand the male psyche. It’s not just women who are picked on, it’s anyone who shows weakness. It’s standard among men to poke and prod each other, and the first one to snap loses because they showed you can get under their skin.
Women in tech stand out, because they’re the minority, so they’ll get more attention, both positive and negative. Look at all the people jumping to defend Kathy. Some men will feel the need to protect and nurture any woman in the group and will give special treatment to those women. Likewise, some men will single women out for attack because they are different and invading their world. Women who want to succeed in this environment will have to learn to play the game, stand their ground, and give as good as they get.
I read that too - i thought it was disgusting*
Even more disgusting when U see it apparently was Blog Gurus participating in that Crap*
@Svetlana - i remember Nataly from TechCrunch having commented on a few of her great articles - if thass true - & i can see it - it’s a sad statement*
Some people’s Kids - those clowns aka skoolyard Bullies should Grow Up!
thx fer this*
Cheers! Billy ;))
Peace*
Svetlana, this topic has been debated on a couple of discussion forums I participate in. I’ve asked other women in tech how they felt, and the result was mixed. I have to say that I find the “outpouring of support” to be patronizing. If this was a man who was experiencing the same issue would the response be the same? My guess would be no. I personally don’t want to be treated any differently because of my gender.
Cyndy, I agree on that: this support is very patronizing and can be offensive for a professionals - be it a woman or a man. And of course, man would never have received this kind of support, that’s for sure. But I don’t think it is really an outstanding situation to be treated exceptionally when you work in a men’s industry, the same is true for a man working in some female sector (say, a hairdresser), he also receives extra attention because of his profession, I think.
The only thing we should all keep in mind that in any business-related conflict any person (be it male or female) should behave as a professional, nothing else. This will eventually decrease the sexism in business, I think.
Very well reasoned post, and I think your analysis of the situation is pretty much spot on.
Hi Cyndy,
You did a great job of expressing the multi faceted nature of what we experience here on the Web, and to a great extent in the physical world. I find it ironic that I wrote a post on the same subject after you wrote this one because of my anger and resentment over rude behavior in general.
I guess it makes me look a little “Victorian” (actually Nordic would be more true) in that I felt bad for the lady. Actually, chivalrous behavior died some time ago, and I expect most of the fervor was really about all the BS any of us have had to endure on the Web.
It occurs to me that human beings (make or female) use what works for them. This is in every case true. If a woman is on the high ground, then she will ride it for all it is worth until that moment comes when femininity and a more delicate demeanor appears to be the most reliable means to an end.
The same holds true for men, as they posture and pose their masculine selves (however they perceive that), until it becomes apparent that a more tender approach is needed for their result to occur.
I think it is about time we all got off of it and just admit we live in a dynamic world where survival and happiness are the ultimate goal. We just need to find ways to help one another survive without doing harm to each other.
Just a few thoughts from an old “Knight in rusty armor”.
Cyndy,
I couldn’t agree more. I’m ten years in the industry here in Italy, and you can’t back down. You just can’t.
Incredible timing though: tomorrow I’ll be attending the first Italian GirlGeekDinner. I think a lot of the women that are attending will be quite interested in this post.
Cheers to you - keep those opinions coming.
Tara
Soctt, thanks for the comment!
Phil, I guess my biggest issue was with some of the “dedications” that took place after the event. It was such a “man protecting the little woman” feel and most of the furor NEVER would have taken place if it was a man in the same place.
Men dish out all sorts of nastiness to each other all the time, and it’s taken in stride. Take a look at Hani Suleiman’s The Bile Blog sometime. Shoot, even my husband has been blasted there, and it’s considered part and parcel of the field. The commenters are equal-opportunity offenders, and if you want to comment there, man or woman, you’d better have a very thick skin. I have yet to see a man in the industry show his softer side. I’ll write an article if I do!
Tara, thanks for the sisterhood thumbs up! I’ve gotten a lot of comments from other women who tell me I must be “more of a feminist.” No, it’s more that I’ve been in the industry a LONG time. If I want to be treated as an equal, I need to act like one, and not play the woman card when it’s more convenient.