VT - Sorrow, Contemplation and Our Role

In the wake of the most devastating and violent events at Virginia Tech, people worldwide seem to be restless and even grasping for how to feel and react. Obviously no one is battling with this event more so than the parents and siblings of the victims. I truly and personally am sorry for this unfathomable loss and for each and every moment of pain this has caused you folks. The only consolation I can offer each of you is my personal conviction that your loved ones now reside in a realm far superior to the one we currently experience, the vastness of which can only be imagined.   

I was writing as usual when I heard this shocking news on TV. I was really at a loss as to what to do or say, so I put off writing anything until I could formulate an appropriate response. My primary emotion was in fact one of sadness for the people embroiled in this blackest of events. I hope what I have to offer does not dilute to any degree my sincere sharing of your sorrow. If any of my comments hit other constituencies right between the eyes, then I hope my comments can be accepted in the stead of the families.   

So, now that all the noise, commotion and hype have leveled, perhaps it is a good time for me to reflect appropriately, though much more quantitatively and broadly than was my original intent. Adequate and appropriate responses over the horrible events at VT and the subsequent reactions and coverage have plagued my thoughts since hearing the news. 33 young and vibrant souls taken in such a way is a little beyond the mind's capability to cope, at least for my mind. No one who reads this or any other news for that matter can possibly fathom what the families, friends and community of the victims are feeling.

The Human Constant Defined

The most appropriate responses of human beings in situations of this gravity are; sympathy, empathy and compassion. Each of these elements can easily be broken down into their essential characteristics and functions. Without sounding too clinical, I think it is important to make an appropriate statement directed primarily towards those most injured in the first instance and secondly to ensure that any "news" of necessity be tempered with these same indicative elements. Let me break these listed elementals down in order to further demonstrate what I am driving at.

Sympathy - "Sympathy is an emotional affinity in which whatever affects one correspondingly affects the other, and its synonym is pity. Sympathy comes from the Latin sympatha, from Greek: συμπάθεια transliterated as sympatheia, from συν + πάσχω = συμπάσχω literally: to suffer together also: affected by like feelings or emotion. Thus the essence of sympathy is that a person's feelings reflect or are like those of another or that a person suffers as a response to, or because of, another person's suffering." This appropriate definition was taken from Wikipedia.org.

Empathy - Empathy (from the Greek εμπάθεια, "to make suffer") is commonly defined as one's ability to recognize, perceive and directly experientially feel the emotion of another. As the states of mind, beliefs, and desires of others are intertwined with their emotions, one with empathy for another may often be able to more effectively define another's modes of thought and mood. Empathy is often characterized as the ability to "put oneself into another's shoes".

Compassion - "Compassion is an emotion that is a sense of shared suffering, most often combined with a desire to alleviate or reduce such suffering; to show special kindness to those who suffer. Compassion essentially arises through empathy, and is often characterized through actions, wherein a person acting with compassion will seek to aid those they feel compassionate for." Please note that "shared" is a key element in this second excerpt from Wikipedia, and that the key verb is demonstrative of an implied action to do something for the injured.

So, as for sympathy (which I cannot phathom anyone objecting to) the sharing of the pain and loss is elemental. This may be demonstrated or manifested in many ways, but primarily it should reflect inwardly as tearful contemplation and association with the victims and their loved ones. Anything less is simply unacceptable and inconceivable in a sentient and caring individual.

Empathy is a systematic protraction of a sympathetic response. The correct reaction to a life trauma like these events should transition through these two relative emotions and responses. The degree to which these responses are felt and exhibited are reflected to a large degree by actions following the onset of causal events.

Finally, compassion completes the cycle of appropriate humanistic response to the causal event. This is the most outwardly functional of the phases of correct action I have outlined. Compassion is what the onlooker might notice of someone exhibiting correct and good behavior towards someone suffering immeasurably. This is what we all see. This is what defines the people around an event. This is what expresses who you are and what you stand for. Compassion is also what actually helps the injured, for they cannot see your inward expressions.

The We the World and the Web 

News has always been speckled with variants on the theme I am trying to paint here. Some people just simply do not care and are primarily concerned with themselves. Others care on some level but simply cannot express themselves properly, like the person who says the wrong thing at the funeral and etc. Still more really do sympathize and attempt to express these feelings with the tools available to them. Another contingent always attempts to appear caring, while really being desirous of capitalizing on the loss of someone else.

There has been a lot of discussion about what is correct given the communication tools at our disposal now. I can say categorically that a display of the killer's video on Youtube (you will note NO link here) is NOT demonstrative of any good trait worthy of presentation to the world either by YouTube or the party responsible. Given the requests by family members for the removal of such media, I am sure YouTube should remove it now and apologize for allowing someone to post it in the first place. They are not a news agency, and obviously no thought was given to this beforehand.

Similarly, a paragraph and a half about how sorry one is followed by 4 or 5 paragraphs about how great the Internet and Web 2.0 are is also nowhere in the realm of correct response. Video of parts of the horrible event should be supplied in order that the event might be weighed, but should be carefully distributed so that we can share in the sorrow, but in a TIMELY, venue specific, correct and undamaging fashion.

Correct Exhibited Response 

To the people so closely touched by this dark event, I am sorry that you have to suffer not only your loss, but the ignorance and carefree nature of a turbulent and fickle world. The people who extended their arms towards you at Facebook (note the existence of a link here) and other places represent true human sorrow and caring for your loss. I know many kind a caring people have exhibited exemplary gestures from around the world when a where they were able.

Alone we are virtually helpless on this little sphere spinning through the universe. Together we could potentially alter the course of time. I humbly suggest that we get together at least in such obvious moments and change what needs to be changed. Take a moment and read the names listed on the VT site memorial and then embrace the sorrow of the potential that will never be reached. Right any wrong and act accordingly, but by any standard of measurement please adhere to what you would want for yourself, your son, your daughter or a close friend.

We all lost something, we are sorry.