News Groper: A Blog Network Full Of Fantastic Fakes

Launched today (officially), News Groper is a collection of 70+ parody blogs written in first-person form with various “newsmakers” as authors. Well, people purporting to be the newsmakers, anyhow.

No, Barack Obama didn’t really write that come-on to YouTube-based Jaimie (read post labeled: “YouTube debates round one: Wolf, I already miss you”). And Katie Couric didn’t really have a fit when speaking of the one who came before (See: “I’d Rather be a tart than unemployed, you stodgy hack”).

It turns out others are unofficially speaking on their behalf. I sure do wish all the notables there – both the well-regarded and the infamous – really were working their respective keyboards behind the screen. Ah well, faux posts will have to do.

If you’ve got the slightest sense of humor, you’ll find your appetite for News Groper to be insatiable almost from the get go. Read one post, you’ll want to read another. And another. And another. Soon, you’ll be clicking those RSS buttons with fervor just to keep up with your favorites, of which you’ll no doubt have many. Many. You’ll probably spend so much of your time gorging yourself throughout your day that you’ll start slacking off at school and at work, but you won’t mind the negative effects this distraction in the least. You’ll be having too good a time to notice the bad stuff happening in your life. Besides, a steady supply of musings by way of Dr. Phil will have you back on the straight and narrow. Oh, wait, these are supposed to be the real, uncensored thoughts of the media elite, right? Then nevermind. You’re screwed.

I know, I know, this sounds like a kind of text-based infomercial, but it’s not often these days that you find a gem of a blog while trawling the Web (Take Profy, for instance. You must’ve been shouting sweet somethings from your rooftops after you found us!), let alone dozens of ‘em in one place! It’s like hitting a gold mine. Except you won’t get to profit from any of it. You’ll have to condition yourself to survive on irreverent wit alone. A tough job, but someone’s got to do it.

And you shall.

Browse about the site. No rush, though. Take your time. Read what Al Gore’s really thinking. Did you know Dick Cheney could crack a joke? (None of them particularly outstanding, mind you.) And despite Kim Jong-Il’s paranoia with most things non-North Korean (he likes various luxuries from international reaches) News Groper managed to get him up and running with his own blog. So, if you ever wanted to know in his very twisted cranium, venture over. And we can’t forget to mention Pope Benedict XVI. Did you know he has a “Popecave”? You learn something every day. And there’s more where that came from.

Anywho, enough blabber from my end. Go see what the newsmakers have to say. Only for a while, though. We need you back here. We can’t live without you.