I Wish I Lived In A World Where Spammers Never Lied

Spam is usually considered to be totally evil and worth no second look when you check your spam folder to make sure there’s no legitimate email that got there by mistake. But I personally have extracted many useful emails from that very folder so I check it every day and pay at least a second to every message that does not look too familiar and spammy.

But today I have realized that spam is really not that bad as it is actually something of a dream: it helps us see the world as it would have been in an ideal arrangement of things. And some of those things from the perfect world are actually true: today I have read a piece of news about Italian scientists who decided that spam deserved enough attention to see if the products advertised actually do what they are supposed to do. So they have chosen one of those penis enlargement devices that are advertised in a great number of the spam messages everyone gets by email and decided to carry out a test with 21 volunteers to see if the device actually worked as promised - and the results confirmed that it did.

Of course it is pretty difficult for me to understand who in their right mind could think of carrying out a whole scientific experiment running for a year and financing such an experiment as well just to make sure spam could be true but probably it’s not bad that we now know that at least some of the things promised in spam emails turn out to be true. And I quickly realized that life would have been totally perfect if everything promised by spammers had actually been true. At least I would not mind living a life where:

-          I receive at least a dozen of Hallmark e-cards from friends and family daily which must mean that I have so many people who care enough about me to send me cards so frequently

-          I win at least one million dollars every day in a lottery

-          Whenever for some reason I don’t win a million (or am too lazy to claim my prize) I get a business proposal to help a person from Nigeria or China transfer $42 million from their country to a bank account in the US and get half that amount myself

-          The money I get from the previous two sources I can easily use to buy one of the prominent Russian oil and gas companies for mere nothing - something around one million which is certainly nothing given how much of those millions I win and how many more millions the oil company will generate for me eventually

-          All the men around are happy because they never have sexual problems any more so they are always in a good mood and are always willing to pay a few minutes of their attention to you - no matter how strange an idea you are pitching is

-          All the women around are equally happy because those happy men spend all the time they don’t work (and who would work in a world where you can win a million or two of dollars every day in a lottery?) working hard on satisfying the women - and the happy and satisfied women simply have no reasons to be unfriendly to everyone around

Basically this looks very much like a totally perfect world where everyone is friendly and happy and have no reasons to care about money because every owner of an email inbox has plenty of money coming from various sources every day. Really, I would not mind living in such a world and I can’t help but regret that the vast majority of things promised in spam emails still has nothing to do with reality - even if penis enlargement actually works.