10 Questions I Have to Spammers

When I sift through dozens of spam emails that land in my inbox daily or moderate numerous spam comments here on Profy, I can’t help but repeat the same questions again and again because some things in the behavior of spammers are totally beyond my understanding. So I thought that I’d publish the questions here - and who knows, probably some people who are actually engaged in these activities will arrive here and answer some of them so that spam will at least lead to irritation without any further curiosity in the future. So here are the questions:

If you send me your emails with the subject “This is my third and final email to you”, how does it happen that I keep receiving emails with exactly the same subject containing exactly the same proposal in the future?

Why do you think that beginning your email with “This is not spam” will make your email look actually legitimate to me and will make me trust the content?

Why the vast majority of your emails only target men with various enlargement and enhancement products while I have only once in my whole life received a breast enlargement invitation? Don’t women deserve your attention at all? Or do women tend to be more difficult to fool into falling for your scams?

Do you really think that putting RE: in the subject line of your email will make me believe that this is actually a reply to something I’ve sent?

Why do you claim that if I personally read your email, everyone will so I should definitely buy a spamming (ok, bulk email marketing) campaign from you? You do realize that not everyone has a habit of checking the spam folder at all and some people only do it because they absolutely have to?

If you begin your email with the usual “Dear Internet User”, do you really think it somehow sounds more personal than simple “Dear Person” or maybe “Dear Human Being”? What’s the point in such an approach if it could not be less personal anyway?

Exactly how many exclamation marks do you think will persuade anyone to open the attachment that - as you claim - contains some strictly confidential proposal that will somehow allow me to live the rest of my life on some tropical island never needing to work for money any more in the future?

Exactly how much do you make spamming people? Really, it would have been great if spammers have somehow decided to share the information (most probably strictly confidential) about exact number of people who are fooled into their scam lotteries or $45 million transactions and pay money to get their huge shares. If I understand that you actually make millions of dollars via those endless lottery emails in my inbox, I will probably be more tolerant to such emails in the future as at least I will know they are a real business for you and not just a way to earn a few cents by stealing hours of my time.

Will you stop spamming me if I pay you? Everyone who has an email account or a blog will probably be very much willing to pay for the opportunity to never ever receive a single spam email or comment in the future. If we suggest you to go legal and develop a subscription service where we will be able to pay for spam-free life, how much would an annual subscription be?

And one last question that I am quite certain every “internet user” will want to ask is: Is there any chance spam could stop once and for all?

Image credit